


A Shitty Proposal

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Implied Smut, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Shit, Tiny bit of Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10019672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: Dan's proposal doesn't go as planned...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this never happened. <3  
> Reading Time: 00:25:26

 

Dan was making the brisk walk back to his flat from the other side of London. He had traveled into the busy city to retrieve something that was just too important to order online. He reached down for the millionth time to pat the little box in his tight jean pocket, making sure it hadn’t slipped out or gotten stolen.

Dan and Phil had been together now for nearly eight years and it was definitely time. They had talked about it before, getting married and maybe even adopting a couple kids down the road, and _God_ the internet wouldn’t shut the fuck up about them taking the next step (even though they didn’t even know for sure if the two were dating in the first place). Dan had never really considered which one of them would propose and for the longest time, he thought it would be Phil. But Phil didn’t seem to be in any rush. Not that he didn’t love Dan or didn’t want to get married, but he would probably wait for years so Dan took it upon himself to do the job for them. He called a jeweler that he had heard was the best, picked out a ring that he knew Phil would like, and was now carrying the object that seemed heavy with each step closer to the flat.

He wasn’t worried about Phil saying no. He would say yes if Dan asked him on a regular Tuesday over pizza, but Dan wanted the proposal to be rather special, just like Phil, and him being the creative perfectionist he was, he had formulated a plan. A proposal that would knock Phil’s socks off. In fact, he was so proud of his idea that he had called Louise right away to share the news. She squealed loudly for minutes but quickly gave him the support he needed to get the job done.

Now all he needed to do was stop by the corner store on the way home.

 

-

 

“Phil! I got more Crunchy Nut!” Dan called from the bottom of the stairs. He trotted up the treacherous flight and turned into the hallway. He heard Phil shuffling from his room, meeting the younger boy in the kitchen where Dan placed the bags on the counter. He kept one bag to his side however, hiding that particular one from Phil’s sight.

“Ooooh. We were running low, weren’t we?” Phil grabbed the box and went to open it immediately.

“Phil! It’s not even breakfast.” He snatched the box from the boy who just pouted and slumped his shoulders. “Can’t you wait until breakfast?”

“Frankly…” He snatched the box back. “No.”

“Ugh. You’re such a chore to live with.” Dan complained, kissing Phil on the cheek as he exited the kitchen, bringing the special bag to his room, shoving it and the little box from his pocket behind some clothes in his closet. He then made his way back into the kitchen where he started to unload the small amount of groceries he had picked up, including the little sandwich he had bought himself for lunch.

“What’s that?” Phil asked, his mouth already filled with cereal. Dan rolled his eyes at his nosy boyfriend and unwrapped his own lunch.

“A sandwich. I got it from that place next to Tesco.” Dan bit into it, rolling his eyes into the back of his head and moaning a little from it’s taste. Phil just stared at him with raised eyebrows.

“And you didn’t get me one because…?”

Dan stopped his euphoric act and glared back at the boy who was devouring his cereal like his life depended on it, gesturing to his act and letting his mouth continue enjoying his own food. Phil just shrugged and took another spoonful, smiling and making Dan’s own mouth react the same.

 

-

 

“Where’d you go today anyway?” His boyfriend asked as they were climbing into Phil’s bed. Dan didn’t panic, reciting his little planned fib.

“I went to get that special jacket, you know, the one at that London store.” Dan lied. “But they didn’t have it so I guess I’ll have to go back another time.”

Phil laughed as he pulled the older boy into him, snuggling up in the crevice Dan knew he liked to lay in.

“You went all the way there and didn’t even check if it was in stock?” Phil knew Dan too well. But Dan accounted for that and shrugged.

“I could use the exercise.”

That’s when Phil really laughed.

“Who are you and what have you done with Dan Howell?”

Dan playfully shoved him but quickly pulled him back, only to kiss him gently on the lips. He was warm and happy. If only Phil knew where he really was, they would be sharing more than just a kiss that night.

 

-

 

Dan wanted to wait for the perfect moment. He wasn’t going to pop the question while they were super busy. He wanted time to celebrate and relax as a newly engaged couple. Dan was secretly a sucker for romantic getaways and he hoped that once everything was official, they could take another trip like the one to Japan he so desperately wished had been his honeymoon. Who knows? Maybe they could go back.

They were pretty swamped with work and neither of them could really get away for a while. Phil was in the middle of filming a video with lots of locational shots and Dan was working on a script for his next video. Even though technically they could each take a day off if they wanted to, it’s not like they worked for a strict boss, they were ahead and they might as well keep up their schedule. They didn’t need the fans getting all up in arms about the lack of content.

Dan just figured that once this week was over and Phil’s long video was released, they could plan a pajama day to destress, and that would be when Dan popped the question. When Phil was least expecting it. Everything was ready, he just had to wait.

But of course, this was Dan Howell. Nothing could go according to plan and a fuck up was overdo.

Phil walked into the lounge after a long day of editing. He plopped down on the couch next to Dan who was deep within his sofa crease. Dan didn’t look up at his boyfriend because he was totally engrossed by the dancing shibe on his screen.

“You know, I work fast, but not _that_ fast. This video was a pain.” Phil complained, shoveling a fistful of cereal into his mouth and crunching away next to Dan. Dan was very used to this noise, his ears pretty much blocking it out by now. “I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie. You up for it?”

Dan nodded as he continued to scroll through his Tumblr feed. He reblogged one more thing and then shut his laptop, looking over at Phil. His boyfriend had his hand buried deep into the box of Shreddies that he was hugging like a newborn. Dan’s eyebrows furrowed. He was the last to buy cereal and he remembered buying a box of Crunchy Nut for Phil. He figured it would last him longer than a week but apparently Phil made his way through the box sooner. Dan distinctively remembered running out of cereal yesterday. The only other box of cereal that was in the house was the one in his closet.

“Phil…” Dan started going pale. “Where did you get that?”

Phil stopped eating. He made a face and slinked down behind the box.

“Um…” He stuttered, knowing he was in trouble. Phil’s number one flaw was his terrible habit of stealing Dan’s cereal. Dan _usually_ didn’t mind. It was an endearing quality actually. Phil’s weakness towards the sugary breakfast food was unique. It was a trope that was one hundred percent honest and made Phil Lester different from everyone else. Which was exactly why Dan was going to give Phil a box of Shreddies with the ring delicately placed inside for breakfast the next day.

Not just any box of Shreddies.

 _That_ box of Shreddies.

“Phil…did you take my cereal?” A question he asked on a weekly basis. He tried to hide the tremor in his voice this time though as he eyeballed the cowering boy before him.

Phil hesitated and his face scrunched up. He was holding the box to his chest now, protecting it from Dan’s grasp.

“Okay…yes. But I have an explanation! Really!” Phil sat up and jumped to explain, laughing a little while he was at it. Dan couldn’t move. He didn’t care about the reason. Phil _always_ had a reason. It was never valid but Dan gave him a hard time about it as a joke, then making the older boy go to the store to retrieve some new boxes. But right now, he was just about ready to murder his past self.

This wouldn’t have been an issue if he hadn’t already put the ring in the box.

“Give me that!” Dan reached forward and grabbed the box from Phil’s grasp. Phil put up quite a fight, giggling because he figured it was just another play fight that they always found themselves in. But Dan was pulling harder than he usually did, finally yanking the cardboard rectangle from Phil’s death grip. He flew backward against the other side of the couch, now holding the surprisingly light box.

Fuck.

Phil had eaten nearly the whole thing.

“Phil.” Dan gasped, shocked at the amount of cereal he had ingested. He was speechless. Phil was looking at him with pink cheeks and his tongue poking out of his teeth while he giggled a bit. It was adorable but Dan had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“I’m sorry! I went into your wardrobe because I needed that special tripod - you know, the one with the rotating thingy…and I just saw the box in there and…” Phil went on, explaining himself to Dan who literally had no idea what to do. He was glaring into the nearly empty box and hoping to whatever he believed in that perhaps the ring was still in there. While Phil was waffling on, he took the rest of the contents and spilled them out onto the floor next to their couch. Phil stopped talking and glared. “Dan! You’re making a mess! Why’d you do that?”

Dan just sifted through the crumbs on the floor with his eyes, yet to no avail, the ring was not there.

“You just wasted a whole bowl of cereal!” Phil protested, sitting up and crossing his arms. “Jeez, I didn’t realize you liked Shreddies that much. I thought I was the only one that ate them anyways.”

He was.

They were his favorite.

That’s why they were perfect.

“I’ll buy you new cereal! I promise!” Phil begged, probably with the impression that Dan was mad at him. But how could he be? Phil didn’t know. He wasn’t aware of Dan’s plan. How was Dan supposed to know that Phil was going to go into his wardrobe? To be fair, he should have seen that coming. They barely used Dan’s room for anything other than storage anyway. He should have known Phil would be in and out of that piece of furniture. He wasn’t mad at Phil, he was just stuck. He had no idea what to do.

And now Phil was carrying a 6,000pound ring in his digestive system.

“No, Phil, it’s alright.” Dan laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “You’re right. I don’t like them that much anyway.”

He had to act normal. He couldn’t tell Phil now. It would hardly be romantic.

“So you aren’t mad?” Phil asked softly, no longer joking around. Phil was a sweetheart and he definitely sensed that there was something wrong.

“No, of course not.” Dan answered, opening his arms for his boyfriend to cuddle up under. Phil had a long day. Who was he to add to his stress?

“Okay, ‘cause you totally dumped the cereal on the ground.” Phil reminded him. Dan groaned and nodded. “Why’d you do that? You could have had a bowl. There was enough.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Dan was lucky he acted strange on a regular basis. This would just go under the category of _weird things Dan does when he’s frustrated_. There was a list. Phil kept one. “How about we watch that movie?”

Phil nodded and kissed Dan’s cheek. His lips were warm and it felt nice. But Dan was too busy thinking about the diamond that was sitting in Phil’s stomach alongside the grams of cereal. That wasn’t dangerous, was it?

 

-

 

It’s hard to watch a movie when the only thing you can think about is shit.

It didn’t start there but that’s where it had been for the past hour and a half because he realized the only way he was getting that accessory out of Phil was if he waited for it to pass through him and then picked it from his poop himself. But how the fuck do you ask your boyfriend to let you comb through his shit?

That’s right, you don’t.

Either Dan was going to have to get real smart about this or that ring was going to be a monumental waste of money.

On the flipside, he could tell Phil and they could laugh about it. But he knew how much this mattered to his boyfriend. That’s why neither of them had done it yet in the first place. There was no way he could tell Phil that he was stupid enough to let him ingest the object of his engagement.

He thought about shutting off the plumbing in the apartment until the cereal passed, forcing the toilets to pile up but that thought grossed him out the moment he considered the smell.

He was thinking so hard about this that he hadn’t even noticed the movie ending. Phil was cuddled up against him in their normal position now scrolling through twitter.

“Hey Dan? What do you think of this tweet?” Phil lifted his phone up to Dan’s face, snapping the younger boy from his problem solving thought process so he could admire Phil’s humor.

 

 

> _Stole @Danisnotonfire’s box of Shreddies and he dumped it on the floor so neither of us could have it. He’s getting more tactical in his defense. Watch out Phil of the future!_

Dan laughed at Phil’s clever anecdote. Phil was right, that would have been a really funny moment if that box wasn’t worth so much.

“I’m gonna post it.” Phil declared. Dan’s phone lit up because of the mention. He pulled Phil into a tighter embrace and kissed the top of his head. “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

Dan was _going_ to serve Phil breakfast, or rather, give Phil cereal to serve himself breakfast in the morning. Then they were going to spend the whole day kissing or something but that plan was quickly kiboshed.

“Not sure. What do you want to do?” Dan asked, trying not to let his internal freak out effect their conversation.

“I don’t know. I feel kind of cooped up. Want to go to the city or something? See if that jacket is in sto-”

“No!” Dan’s eyes went wide and he was glad Phil could’t see his face from where he was laying. “I mean…I’m feeling kind of lethargic. Maybe we should stay in tomorrow. Make it a pajama day?”

Phil didn’t seem to notice Dan’s abrupt reaction to the suggestion to leave the flat and he nodded, agreeing with his boyfriend’s statement.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t feel like getting dressed anyways.”

“Yeah.” Dan exhaled the breath he was holding.

They sat in silence for a moment. It wasn’t awkward, in fact, these silences happened often. They had lived together for so long and there were not enough words to fill every second. Dan had come to love their moments of silent presence they shared quiet often.

But naturally Dan had to go ruin it.

“Phil?” He queried, hoping this wasn’t too crude of a question. “How often do you poop?”

Phil slowly ripped himself from under Dan’s wing and twisted his body to face Dan. Dan knew it was strange but he had to know. He might as well try to form somewhat of a plan.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Dan smiled in an effort to cover up his serious need to know. Phil smiled back and he looked to the side, considering the question.

“Um…” He squinted and lifted his palm to motion with. “Once a day maybe? Depends on what I eat.”

“Oh.” Dan nodded. He had so many questions based on that answer that he wanted to ask but none of them were appropriate for a boyfriend to ask. It didn’t matter how long they had been dating. That was really none of his business. Except this time, it was.

“Why?” Phil looked at Dan skeptically. “Are you some sort of alien disguised as my boyfriend? ‘Cause if you are, I’ll tell you right now, you aren’t getting any of my snokoplasm!”

Dan laughed and shoved Phil a little, shaking his head.

“I was just wondering.”

“Whatever, Danny. You’re so weird.” Phil sighed and got up from the couch, stretching his arms and legs. “I’m getting kind of tired. You ready for bed?”

Dan looked at the clock. It was barely midnight. He shook his head and glanced at his laptop. He had some googling to do before he headed to bed. He gave Phil a guilty glance and the other boy nodded because he knew what that meant.

“Okay, well at least come tuck me in?” Phil asked like the child he was at heart. Dan cocked his head to the side and smiled. Phil was a man but sometimes that man could be cuter than any child alive. Dan rolled his eyes instead, scoffing.

“What, you afraid of the monsters in your closet?” Dan teased, getting up and hitting Phil’s butt so he’d move along into the hallway. Phil chuckled and nodded.

“Well yeah! If they come after me like you did for stealing their cereal, I’m in trouble tonight!” Phil joked, earning him another whack in the bum.

Dan hugged Phil from behind while he brushed his teeth and took his contacts out, then they walked hand in hand to Phil’s bedroom where Phil stripped to his underwear and climbed under one side of the duvet. Dan climbed into the bed as well, remaining on top of the duvet so he could wrap Phil up into a burrito with blankets.

Phil looked so cute, snuggled up under the duvet. Dan wished he could go to sleep at the same time but after many years of dating Phil, they knew that their bedtimes weren’t always going to be the same. Phil tuckered out much earlier than Dan did and Dan always made fun of him for being old. Phil would even pass out at parties before it was time to go home and as cute as Dan found it, he wasn’t going to lie there for hours on his phone while Phil slept beside him. He had done that a few times but it just wasn’t practical. Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil’s cheek.

“Will you come get me if you get scared?” Dan cooed, tickling Phil a little. Phil rolled his eyes but he was too tired to argue. Not to mention, he looked comfortable. The older boy was going to pass out the moment the light went out anyway.

“Thanks for the box of Shreddies.” Phil brought it up again, probably feeling reasonably guilty by now.

He had no idea.

“You’re welcome.” Dan kissed Phil again, this time though, he went for the lips. Dan could taste the toothpaste mixed with the wonderful taste of Phil that he would never get over. Their tongues slid together for a minute or so before Phil pulled away to yawn. Dan laughed and patted the older boy’s side. “I guess it’s bedtime then.”

“I love you.” Phil yawned, the words falling from his lips like sickly sweet syrup.

“I love you, too.” Dan responded, kissing his boyfriend once more on the head after sliding out of the bed himself. “Get some rest.”

He hit the lights on the way out and left the door open a crack like Phil preferred. But only when he wasn’t in the room. Something about having less wall between them. Dan was done making fun of Phil though because right now he had much bigger issues.

He receded into his sofa crease and pulled his laptop onto his lap, opening up a private browser.

It’s moments like these that made their Google Feud videos make sense, he told himself as he typed a shameful sentence into the search bar.

 

 

> _Accidentally Swallowed Engagement Ring_

He went on a hunt in an effort to find some sort of advice. When he found nothing of any help, he groaned and sent a text to Louise, hoping she had some advice. When she didn’t respond, he assumed she was asleep and he would have to wait until morning to talk to her. He just flicked over to Netflix and watched some random documentary about polar creatures.

At around 3:00am, Dan heard a creak from the hallway. He knew better than to think it was a poltergeist. He knew those footsteps well. Phil was getting up. He would normally just ignore the sound of his flatmate heading to the loo, but he immediately panicked and jumped to his feet. Once he heard the older boy pass the lounge, he crept behind him as he found his way to the bathroom.

Dan felt like a class A creep as he stood outside of their joint bathroom. He put his ear to the door and soon heard the sound of a stream hitting the toilet bowl. Dan relaxed himself and stepped about a foot from the bathroom door, never having been more relieved to hear piss in his entire life. He lingered outside of the door for another moment while he waited for Phil to travel to the sink, then he rushed back to his spot on the sofa. When Phil walked back towards the bedroom, he poked his head in the lounge when he noticed that Dan was still awake.

“Dan, go to sleep.” He suggested, his eyes squinty and his hair a mess. Dan glanced at the documentary he had been sort of watching and then back at Phil. Phil looked so cute and there was nothing Dan wanted to do more than climb back into bed with the sleepy boy. So he shut his laptop and nodded.

“Fine, fine. I’m coming.” He stood and found himself beside the smiling boy. He may have been tired, but it was no secret he was happy about Dan’s choice. They both climbed into bed and assumed their regular sleeping positions. Dan’s hand draped over Phil’s body and Phil’s butt placed gently against Dan’s crotch. It kept them both warm and Dan got to nibble on Phil’s ear whenever he wanted.

 

-

 

Dan woke Phil up with kisses to the back of the neck. He was not usually the first to wake up but something down south was insisting that he take care of it. When Phil blinked open his eyes, he could feel the problem right away. He turned quickly - or as fast as you do when you’re just waking up and there’s a dick in your back, grinning at Dan who was now rutting forward in search of something fleshy. His front found Phil’s leg and he started to grind against it.

“Phiiiiil.” Dan whined, nipping at the other boy’s shoulder. “Take care of meeeee.”

Phil blushed like he did every time they woke up like this and nodded.

“Okay, okay.” He immediately went for Dan’s neck and it only made his problem worse. But Phil knew Dan too well and he moved fast, down Dan’s bare chest and finally disappearing under the duvet where he grabbed onto Dan’s waistband, tugging down and sucking Dan into his mouth. Dan moaned and his problem was fixed in no time.

When they finally did get up, they were both sweaty and sticky, resulting in a shower. They both traveled to the bathroom completely naked and Phil started the shower while Dan took his morning piss. He joined the other boy in the stream and they took turns washing each other.

“You are so dirty.” Dan joked, sliding the sponge down the front of Phil’s chest. It was technically his fault because it was his come, but he smirked a little as he said it, hoping Phil would admit to it.

“I’m dirty?” Phil laughed. “You’re dirty. You were the one asking me about poop yesterday!”

Dan froze briefly and looked to the floor.

Oh yeah. He had forgotten.

He had no response so he just playfully shoved the other, pulling him close after he looked sort of offended by the little physical assault. They finished showering and dried each other off, putting on a fresh set of pajamas to lounge in, heading to the kitchen to make their breakfast.

Ending up in the lounge as usual, the boys ate their pancakes while they watched a couple episodes of Steven Universe. They got through quite a few before Phil’s laptop died and they were left with a blue screen on their TV. Neither of them wanted to get up so they just sat there, shoulder to shoulder, replying to people on Twitter. This was a typical morning activity and they didn’t really need to be watching anything anyway.

While Dan was searching through the replies on Phil’s tweet, he thought about the ring and how it had probably almost made it all the way through Phil by now. Dan picked at his fingernails and hoped that it wasn’t harmful to Phil. He wouldn’t be able to live with hurting Phil like that, even if it was an accident. He used the silence to his advantage and asked Phil another question.

“Have you pooped yet today?” he asked, knowing the answer already. Phil hadn’t left that spot. He just needed a way to bring up the subject of shit again. This time, Phil didn’t look at him like he was sprouting an extra head, he just put his phone down and thought for a moment.

“No, Dan. I haven’t.” He made a face. “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering…” Dan answered again, hoping Phil wouldn’t ask. But he’s Phil, of course he asked.

“Wondering about what? Why do you need to know about my pooping habits?” Phil asked, picking his phone back up and opening Facebook.

“I’ve just been interested in digestive health recently. Is there something wrong with that?” Dan laughed nervously while trying to sound normal. His clock was ticking and he still had no idea what to do. Louise hadn’t even texted him back and he was beginning to lose hope.

“Good to know. I’ll be sure to let you know when I need to go.” Phil said sarcastically, poking at Dan’s side. “As long as you don’t start doing field research, I can get behind you becoming a poop-ologist.” Dan poked back in response and soon they were tackling each other in a battle of fingers. At least Phil didn’t find out how close Dan was to reaching that point.

 

-

 

They remained in that room for a majority of the day. Dan made lunch for them and brought it into the lounge for Phil who was “too comfy to get up”. They ate their sandwiches while watching British Bake Off which for some reason brought Dan to tears. He paused the show to grab a tissue when Phil stood up.

“Just so you know, Dan. I’m going to poop.” Phil laughed, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “If you’re interested.”

He stepped over Dan’s long legs and crossed the room to the hallway.

Shit shit shit.

Literally.

He got up and followed Phil to the door and claimed that he just wanted to brush his teeth after the sandwich he had just devoured. Phil rolled his eyes and looked at him like a weirdo, but he shut the little toilet room door as Dan stared at himself in the mirror while he listened.

He felt like such a creep.

News flash: You can’t hear the contents of people’s poop.

He shook his head and sighed. It was probably a lost cause anyway. It’s not like Phil knew what he was looking for.

They both found themselves in bed at the same time that night, Dan kind of salty. At this point, he was just down 6,000pounds and he would have to go explain to the jeweler (in less detail) what had happened. He was sure this was the stupidest way to lose a ring. Just another reason why Dan’s a fail. But he could never add this to the series because Phil could never know. He would definitely be mad at Dan for not telling him, not to mention, the money was probably worth more than a proposal in Phil’s book - but Dan was stubborn and he wasn’t going to let this fuck up his creative plan. He was just going to try again. As much as he hated to admit it, Phil had probably already passed the ring.

With his last shimmer of hope, he asked Phil another question.

“Do you look at your shit before you flush?”

Phil laughed and propped himself up on one elbow. They were facing each other in bed now and Dan could clearly see the amusement in Phil’s voice.

“This again?” He didn’t even seem annoyed. This time, he just seemed like he was fully ready to indulge Dan. Phil thought about it for a moment and then furrowed his brow. “No, I can’t say that I do.”

“You don’t?” Dan repeated.

“Not that I know of. I don’t feel the need to admire my work.” Phil laughed, biting his lip. “Do you?”

“I think so.” Dan answered, not really remembering his bathroom habits. He was much more focused on Phil’s bowels at the moment. “Have you ever found anything weird in your shit?”

Phil’s eyes went wide.

“Weird?”

“Yeah. Coins, beads, buttons? Anything like that?” Dan asked, knowing he was pushing it. If Phil had found a ring, he was sure he would have told Dan.

“Not that I know of…” Phil answered honestly, playing along with Dan’s little questionnaire. “I’m sure when I was little I passed a few things..”

“Hm.” Dan sighed, nodded and letting his head fall on the pillow. “Okay. Good to know.”

Phil stared at Dan for a moment and then pursed his lips.

“Are you sure there’s no reason you’re asking? Anything you want to tell me, Dan?” Phil laughed. “Like maybe you have a poop kink or something?”

Dan made a disgusted face.

“Hey! I’m not shaming you! I just need to know so I can do some research.” Phil laughed, teasing the younger boy. Dan’s face was now turned and pressed against the mattress. He was frustrated but he obviously couldn’t say anything to Phil so he just took some deep breaths and decided the past had to be the past.

Why hadn’t Louise responded? She had a child. Children swallowed things all the time!

Dan pulled Phil into his chest, tightening his embrace and kissing his cheekbones that he loved so much. He could tell Phil was smiling because of the extra bit of cheek he smushed with his lips.

“I would still love you if you had a poop kink.”

“Shut up!” Dan growled, nipping at Phil’s neck. Lightly of course. Those marks took a while to go away and their profession didn’t have time for that. “Can we just go to bed? Forget I said anything.”

“Aww…Danny, I’m sorry. I was joking…” Phil pouted, hoping he didn’t offended his boyfriend. Dan shook his head and laughed.

“I know, Phil. I’m just tired.” He lied, hoping Phil didn’t see through it. Really, he was just frustrated and sleeping it off was always a good idea. Phil nodded and reached over to switch off the light.

“Promise you aren’t mad?”

“Promise.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Dan.” Phil snuggled into his warm embrace, momentarily making Dan forget about his stupidity. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Phil.”

 

-

 

Dan woke up first again that morning, this time without a biological issue he needed to sort. He yawned and climbed out of the bed, wandering out and to the shower where he woke himself up. He changed into real clothes and made it back to the kitchen. Since he was up anyway, he might as well make breakfast. It had been a while since they had eggs and bacon, feeling like a true American breakfast would cheer him up.

He checked his phone while he was at it and frowned because Louise had clearly ignored his panicked text. Maybe she felt embarrassed for him. He couldn’t blame him. This was kind of a mess.

He busied himself as he simultaneously cooked eggs, bacon and a few tiny pancakes for Phil because he knew it wasn’t a true American breakfast without them. When he was just about done, he heard their bedroom door open. He heard his boyfriend head down the hall and to the bathroom, most likely to take a quick shower as well and Dan finished what had become a mini feast.

Just as he was plating their food and throwing the last dirty dish in the sink, Phil emerged from the bathroom. But he had not showered. He still had his pajama pants on and his glasses hung low on his nose. He walked slowly into the kitchen, looking at Dan with eyes that suggested he was definitely not awake yet. He looked dazed and confused. Dan wouldn’t have given Phil a second look, but then he saw that Phil was holding something between his fingers and looking down at it with immense concentration. Like he couldn’t believe his tired eyes.

Dan almost dropped the plates he was holding. He returned them gently to the counter and he felt his heart stop.

“Dan…?” Phil spoke slowly, his hands trembling a little. Oh God. Dan didn’t know what to say. There Phil was, standing in the kitchen in his sleep attire, holding a ring that he most likely just dug from the toilet. Dan was frozen to the spot and he went back and forth in his brain on what to do. Did he say something or wait until Phil asked?

He waited. Not like he could speak anyway.

“I…” Phil hesitated, looking up and meeting Dan’s panicked eyes. Brown met blue and Dan tried to smile. He wasn’t sure how it looked though. He felt his lip quivering with the nerves. “I just pulled this out of the…”

Dan gulped.

Oy, this was so not romantic.

Dan was such a flop.

But he guessed that it was now or never so he bit his lip and decided to roll with it.

He sank slowly, the world moving half it’s normal speed, landing on one knee and looking up at Phil with his left hand outstretched. Phil’s eyes widened immediately. The smell of bacon was overwhelming and Dan in no way pictured the moment like this. But he had no choice. This was happening.

“Dan-”

“Phil Lester…” Dan let his boyfriend’s name fall from his lips. For some reason, they sounded different. Not just because his voice was trembling, but because he was about to ask the biggest question he’s ever asked. Phil looked like he was about to pass out and his hand gently landed in Dan’s where Dan could lean forward gently to kiss it. “I know this is totally not romantic and I’m really sorry about that. I screwed up. But…”

Dan could see Phil start to tear up and once Phil started crying, he was going to be down for the count. So he took a deep shaky breath and swallowed his fear.

“Will you marry me?”

The words were so much less intimidating once they were out there and Phil was falling to his knees and collapsing into Dan, wrapping his arms around him and sobbing into his shoulder.

“Yes!” Phil cried. “Yes, yes, yes. Holy shit, Dan. Yes.”

Dan couldn’t be happier to hear those words and he couldn’t help but laugh at Phil’s mention of _shit_. He wiped his own tears on Phil’s sleeve where his head was sat, then he pulled back and found Phil’s mouth so that they could share a kiss. Their first kiss as an engaged couple.

“I love you so much, Phil.” Dan mumbled against his fiancé’s lips, smiling through the kiss itself.

“I love you too, Dan.” Phil replied, his heart beating fast as well. Dan could feel it through his own chest that was pressed against his mate’s. They were both on their knees, sitting on the kitchen floor and Phil was still holding the ring in his fingers. Dan watched as Phil broke from the kiss and leaned back far enough to show Dan the expensive diamond he was holding. Dan blushed. “Please explain.”

He didn’t sound angry or disappointed, he just sounded baffled. He was most likely wondering why the hell his engagement ring just came out of his ass.

“I’m sorry, Phil. I fucked up pretty bad on this one.” Dan admitted, sheepishly playing with the fabric on his jeans. “I thought it would be really romantic if I proposed to you with a box of cereal. You know, cuz you love it so much.” Dan continued, gesturing towards his room. “But then you went and found the box in my room and you just _had_ to have it.” He flashed the older boy a look and Phil just bit his lip. He was still crying and looked like he was about to fly he was so happy. “But I had already put the ring in the box and I guess you scarfed down that cereal too fast to notice the ring at the top…” Dan looked down, embarrassed that his plan didn’t work. “And I didn’t want to tell you what you did because then you’d know I was planning to propose…and I don’t know. I guess I should have known that leaving cereal around the house was dangerous. You’re like a bloodhound. You can smell cereal from kilometers away.”

Dan tried to laugh but he was just embarrassed. He really tried to get _this_ right and apparently he couldn’t even do that.

“I’m sorry you had to fish through your shit this morning.” Dan apologized after realizing what Phil must have done to find the ring. “I hope it wasn’t too traumatizing.”

Phil laughed, throwing his head back.

“Actually, I wouldn’t have found it if it weren’t for your silly questions.” Phil told him, grabbing Dan’s hand. “Which now totally make sense by the way.” He validated Dan’s strange poop questions and Dan smiled. “You asked me yesterday if I looked before I flushed and I don’t, but today I figured _what the hell_ , you said you did. So I glanced. And low and behold…” Phil held up the ring. “Glad you said something.”

Dan stared at Phil in silence, trying to clear his watery eyes.

“I can’t believe this is how I had to propose to you. This is so gross.” Dan covered his face with his hands. “What are we going to tell people?”

Phil laughed.

“The real story of course!” He leaned forward and kissed Dan gently. “I think it suits us.”

“Really?” Dan looked unsure but another kiss and he was reassured. “I’m so glad I have you, Phil. I’m glad this wasn’t a disaster.”

“This is a beautiful ring.” Phil said, playing with the ring in his fingers. “Don’t worry, I washed it!”

Dan laughed and reached forward to grab it and Phil’s left hand. He looked into Phil’s watery blue eyes as he slid the ring onto his finger. It fit perfectly and Dan almost choked on a sob. He was a baby, he knew, but Phil was officially his and it was getting him all worked up. He figured he’d have to wait a while to save up the money and buy a new ring, so this was just as much a surprise for him as it was for Phil.

“What do you say we celebrate?” Phil proposed, using his new ringed hand to reach out and push Dan’s chest. Dan fell backwards on the kitchen floor and Phil climbed gently on top of him.

“Right here?” Dan asked, not complaining when Phil nodded. He completely pushed aside the thought of food as Phil crashed their lips together, collecting Dan into a fully body kiss. Dan moaned under Phil’s touch and they made love right there on the kitchen floor before chowing down on _very_ cold eggs and bacon.


End file.
